Anger Management Tactics That Do NOT Work to Curb Domestic Violence

If you’ve recently been charged with domestic violence in California, you’re probably facing a whirlwind of emotions—anger, confusion, frustration, maybe even shame. It’s a challenging time, and figuring out what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again is likely at the forefront of your mind. Many individuals charged with domestic violence are introduced to the concept of anger management as a tool to prevent future incidents. Anger management classes can be highly useful. In California, the legal requirements for individuals convicted of domestic violence include participation in a 52-week Batterers Intervention Program (BIP), which incorporates anger management, among other rehabilitative components.

That being said, if you avoid conviction or the charges against you are dismissed, you might be tempted to try and “fix” your anger issues on your own. However, not all anger management tactics are effective—or safe. Without professional guidance, attempting to manage anger independently can sometimes exacerbate the problem rather than solve it. Self-help methods often lack the structure and accountability found in professionally led programs like BIP and other courses. Let’s talk about some commonly used anger management tactics that don’t work so you know what to avoid.

 

Bottling Up Emotions

One of the most common misconceptions about anger management is that the best way to control anger is to suppress it. You may think, “If I can just keep a lid on my feelings, I won’t have an outburst.” While this seems logical, bottling up emotions can backfire spectacularly. When suppressed, anger builds up over time, intensifying instead of dissipating. This pent-up anger can lead to explosive episodes later on, which can be more dangerous than if the anger had been addressed healthily from the start.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Suppressing anger only masks the underlying issue rather than resolving it. Over time, bottled-up anger can cause resentment, stress, and even physical health problems, ultimately making you more prone to future outbursts. Proper anger management focuses on recognizing and expressing anger constructively rather than ignoring or internalizing it.

 

Relying on Alcohol or Drugs to “Calm Down”

Turning to substances like alcohol or drugs to manage emotions is not only unhealthy, but it’s also legally and personally risky. Many people believe that having a drink will take the edge off, helping them “unwind” after an intense situation. However, alcohol and drugs often lower inhibitions and impair judgment, which can, in some cases, amplify anger rather than alleviate it. Substance abuse is often linked to increased aggression, making it more difficult to control anger effectively.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Alcohol and drugs don’t solve anger issues—they make them worse. BIP and other anger management classes emphasize sobriety and teach techniques for managing emotions without relying on substances. Learning to face emotions head-on is essential for true anger management and long-term behavior change.

 

Trying to “Escape” From Anger Through Isolation

When people feel overwhelmed by anger, they may attempt to cope by withdrawing from others. You might believe that distancing yourself from a situation or person will help you cool down, but isolation doesn’t lead to real resolution. Withdrawing can cause feelings of loneliness and frustration to fester, making it harder to process emotions in a balanced way.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Escaping from anger without addressing it simply delays inevitable confrontations. Isolating oneself doesn’t resolve the emotional triggers or conflicts that cause anger, which means these issues will likely resurface in future interactions. 

 

Punching Pillows or Using Other Physical Releases

You may have heard that hitting a pillow, a punching bag, or any inanimate object is an excellent way to release anger safely. However, research suggests that these physical expressions of anger actually reinforce aggressive responses rather than reduce them. While it might feel like a temporary relief, hitting something doesn’t address the emotional or cognitive roots of anger—it only trains your brain to associate aggression with release.

Why It Doesn’t Work: This tactic can reinforce aggressive tendencies rather than control them. Anger management programs like BIP teach strategies for calming the mind, slowing down the body’s fight-or-flight response, and focusing on peaceful conflict resolution rather than relying on aggressive physical outlets.

 

The Importance of Professional Guidance

The key to effective anger management lies in structured programs led by professionals who can provide the tools and insights necessary for long-term change. The Batterers Intervention Program (BIP) mandated by California law is designed to address the complexities of domestic violence. It incorporates comprehensive strategies for managing anger–but some people may actually need more targeted anger management classes or even personal therapy in addition to the BIP to help them deal with complicated and volatile emotions. The key is, to be honest with yourself and understand that anger issues are rarely resolved in a vacuum or without compassionate accountability. Attempting to use self-help tactics that are proven ineffective may actually increase your risk of another incident of domestic violence, leading to more charges and progressively more severe consequences.

If you have been charged with domestic violence in California, understanding and addressing anger is just one part of the journey. You need skilled legal representation to navigate the legal implications and protect your rights. For the compassionate legal help you need, call our offices today to schedule an appointment.