Managing Anger and Violent Tendencies: What Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)

Anger is a powerful emotion, and when not managed properly, it can lead to severe consequences, including, sometimes, violent behavior. Many acts of domestic violence stem from unresolved anger issues. Perhaps this describes your current situation; maybe your anger got the best of you, causing an argument with your partner to escalate out of control, and now you have found yourself under arrest and charged with domestic violence. 

 

Perhaps this is your first offense, or maybe it’s happened before. Perhaps you’re aware of your anger issues and have been trying to control them. Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions about handling anger that, instead of helping, can exacerbate the problem. Let’s talk briefly about what doesn’t work in managing anger and what you can do instead going forward.

 

Common Mistakes and Myths in Managing Anger

 

Let’s start with an overview of some common mistakes people make when trying to control their anger, which are sometimes fueled by misconceptions about how anger works. See if you have practiced any of the following.

 

Suppressing Your Anger

 

A common belief is that anger should be suppressed or “bottled up” to avoid conflict. Many people think that if they push their feelings deep down and refuse to acknowledge them, they won’t have to deal with them at all. However, this approach is not only ineffective but also dangerous. Suppressed anger doesn’t disappear; it builds up over time, often leading to an explosive outburst that can result in violence. This is especially true for individuals who have been accused of domestic violence, as unaddressed anger can trigger repeated incidents.

 

Ventilation or Catharsis

 

Another widely held misconception is the “venting” or “catharsis” theory, which suggests that releasing anger in aggressive ways—such as shouting, hitting a pillow, or engaging in violent sports—can help reduce overall anger. The idea is that by “getting it out,” you’ll feel better and be less likely to explode later. However, research shows that this approach can actually reinforce aggressive tendencies rather than diminish them. Engaging in aggressive acts, even if they seem harmless, can make it easier to justify and repeat such behavior in real-life situations, potentially leading to more violent encounters.

 

Avoiding Triggers Entirely

 

While avoiding situations or people that trigger your anger may seem logical, this approach isn’t always practical or helpful. Life is full of stressors and triggers that are impossible to evade completely. By trying to sidestep these triggers, you’re not learning to manage your anger but running from it. This avoidance can create more stress and anxiety, leading to a cycle of unresolved fear and anger. 

 

Relying Solely on Self-Control

 

Many people think they can rely solely on willpower to control their anger, believing they can “muscle through” feelings of rage. While self-control is important for anger management, it’s not enough. Anger is a complex emotion linked to various psychological and physiological processes, and if these underlying factors aren’t addressed, self-control can be quickly overwhelmed. Over-relying on self-control without other strategies often leads to failure, frustration, and eventual outbursts.

 

What to Do Instead: Effective Strategies for Managing Anger

 

Now that we’ve covered what doesn’t work let’s turn to strategies that can effectively help you manage your anger and avoid violent behavior. These approaches focus on understanding the root causes of anger, developing healthier coping mechanisms, and building a sustainable plan for managing emotions in the long term.

 

Therapy and Counseling

 

Seeking professional help is one of the most effective ways to manage anger and violent tendencies. Therapy can help explore the root causes of anger, whether from past trauma, unresolved conflicts, or other psychological issues. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in helping individuals recognize negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones. In therapy, you can learn coping strategies tailored to your needs, making it easier to manage anger in real-life situations.

 

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

 

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation, can be powerful tools for managing anger. These techniques help you stay present in the moment and become more aware of your emotional triggers. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to recognize the early signs of anger and take steps to calm yourself before the emotion escalates. Over time, mindfulness can lead to a greater sense of control over your emotions and reduce the likelihood of violent outbursts.

 

Regular Physical Activity

 

While venting aggression through violent sports isn’t recommended, engaging in regular physical activity can help reduce overall stress and improve your mood. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood elevators, and can help you manage stress, frustration, and anger more effectively. Whether running, swimming, or practicing yoga, regular physical activity provides an outlet for excess energy and can help prevent anger from building up to dangerous levels.

 

Building a Support Network

 

Having a solid support network is essential in managing anger and preventing violent behavior. This can include friends, family, support groups, or a trusted counselor. A support network provides you with people to talk to when you’re feeling overwhelmed and can offer perspective and advice when you’re struggling to manage your emotions. Knowing that you have people to turn to can reduce feelings of isolation and help you feel more grounded when dealing with stressful situations.

 

Anger Management Programs

 

Anger management programs are designed to help individuals learn how to manage anger effectively. These programs typically involve classes or sessions where you can learn about the causes of anger, how it affects your body and mind, and practical techniques to manage it. If you’re convicted of domestic violence charges in California, you will likely be mandated to attend a Batterer’s Intervention Program (BIP). However, voluntarily participating in an anger management program on your own (even before your trial or sentencing) can demonstrate to the court that you are taking your situation seriously and committed to making positive changes, potentially leading to mitigated penalties.

 

Learning what not to do in controlling your anger and what to do instead may be a key ingredient to helping you avoid future incidents of domestic violence. However, if you’re currently facing charges, the first step is to deal with the immediate crisis. For compassionate legal representation in the Los Angeles area, call our offices today to schedule a consultation.