anger management

November 12, 2024

Anger Management Tactics That Do NOT Work to Curb Domestic Violence

If you’ve recently been charged with domestic violence in California, you’re probably facing a whirlwind of emotions—anger, confusion, frustration, maybe even shame. It’s a challenging time, and figuring out what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again is likely at the forefront of your mind. Many individuals charged with domestic violence are introduced to the concept of anger management as a tool to prevent future incidents. Anger management classes can be highly useful. In California, the legal requirements for individuals convicted of domestic violence include participation in a 52-week Batterers Intervention Program (BIP), which incorporates anger management, among other rehabilitative components.

That being said, if you avoid conviction or the charges against you are dismissed, you might be tempted to try and “fix” your anger issues on your own. However, not all anger management tactics are effective—or safe. Without professional guidance, attempting to manage anger independently can sometimes exacerbate the problem rather than solve it. Self-help methods often lack the structure and accountability found in professionally led programs like BIP and other courses. Let’s talk about some commonly used anger management tactics that don’t work so you know what to avoid.

Bottling Up Emotions

September 15, 2024

Managing Anger and Violent Tendencies: What Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)

by Michael Kraut

Anger is a powerful emotion, and when not managed properly, it can lead to severe consequences, including, sometimes, violent behavior. Many acts of domestic violence stem from unresolved anger issues. Perhaps this describes your current situation; maybe your anger got the best of you, causing an argument with your partner to escalate out of control, and now you have found yourself under arrest and charged with domestic violence.

Perhaps this is your first offense, or maybe it’s happened before. Perhaps you’re aware of your anger issues and have been trying to control them. Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions about handling anger that, instead of helping, can exacerbate the problem. Let’s talk briefly about what doesn’t work in managing anger and what you can do instead going forward.

Common Mistakes and Myths in Managing Anger

July 18, 2024

Exploring the Root Causes of Domestic Violence

by Michael Kraut

While domestic violence is an epidemic in our society, it’s rarely as simple as someone simply losing their temper. There are almost always underlying causes for violence, and those causes may not be immediately apparent. That’s why, if you’ve recently been arrested or charged with domestic violence, you’re very possibly feeling a strong combination of guilt and confusion. You may be saying to yourself, “How did this happen? How did I get here? Why did I do that?” If you are, know that this is a very common response—and it can feel this way whether it’s your first DV arrest or if you have prior convictions.

Unless your partner falsely accused you, chances are you know something went terribly wrong to put you in this situation but putting your finger on why can be very elusive. So, let’s take a moment to delve into some of the root causes of domestic violence to gain perspective. As we do this, let’s emphasize that this exploration isn’t about justifying your actions but gaining insight into the dynamics of control, the factors contributing to feelings of losing control, and pathways to seek help and initiate positive change.

Understanding the Dynamics of Control

January 18, 2023

Dealing with Shame and Regret After Domestic Violence

by Michael Kraut

You never intended for it to happen. You had a disagreement with a member of your family (perhaps a spouse or someone else you love). Emotions escalated, and you lost your temper. Now, you’re facing possible charges of domestic violence. Perhaps you’ve alienated your loved one, and they’re now seeking a protective order against you. The idea fills you with regret—and with shame. What do you do?

Let’s be honest: it is natural to experience feelings of shame and regret after a domestic violence incident—and they can be very difficult to process. But these emotions can also be used as a force for positive change in your life. Let’s explore how to take those negative feelings of shame and regret and use them to create healthier relationships with the people close to you.

Understanding the Gravity of Domestic Violence