domestic violence

November 12, 2024

Anger Management Tactics That Do NOT Work to Curb Domestic Violence

If you’ve recently been charged with domestic violence in California, you’re probably facing a whirlwind of emotions—anger, confusion, frustration, maybe even shame. It’s a challenging time, and figuring out what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again is likely at the forefront of your mind. Many individuals charged with domestic violence are introduced to the concept of anger management as a tool to prevent future incidents. Anger management classes can be highly useful. In California, the legal requirements for individuals convicted of domestic violence include participation in a 52-week Batterers Intervention Program (BIP), which incorporates anger management, among other rehabilitative components.

That being said, if you avoid conviction or the charges against you are dismissed, you might be tempted to try and “fix” your anger issues on your own. However, not all anger management tactics are effective—or safe. Without professional guidance, attempting to manage anger independently can sometimes exacerbate the problem rather than solve it. Self-help methods often lack the structure and accountability found in professionally led programs like BIP and other courses. Let’s talk about some commonly used anger management tactics that don’t work so you know what to avoid.

Bottling Up Emotions

October 14, 2024

The Connection Between Domestic Violence and Undiagnosed Mental Illness

by Michael Kraut

Facing accusations of domestic violence can be an overwhelming and bewildering experience on its own–even more so if you are unsure of how your own behaviors escalated to aggression. Whether you’re charged with simple domestic battery or criminal threats, you may be completely baffled as to how or why you seemingly lose control during disagreements with your significant other.

In such cases, it’s easy to blame yourself or think of yourself as just a “bad person,” but in many cases, there could be underlying factors you haven’t considered–such as mental illness. If so, you wouldn’t be alone: at least one in five people suffer from mental health issues–and those are just the ones we know about. Experts believe millions of people live with undiagnosed mental illnesses that can affect behavior and emotional regulation. When left unaddressed, these conditions can sometimes contribute to situations of domestic violence, not as an excuse but as an explanation that can lead to a better understanding and management of one’s actions.

In California, as in many other places, the conversation around mental health is growing, yet stigma and lack of awareness still prevent many from seeking the help they need. Understanding that you are not alone and millions share similar struggles can be the first step toward healing and change.

September 15, 2024

Managing Anger and Violent Tendencies: What Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)

by Michael Kraut

Anger is a powerful emotion, and when not managed properly, it can lead to severe consequences, including, sometimes, violent behavior. Many acts of domestic violence stem from unresolved anger issues. Perhaps this describes your current situation; maybe your anger got the best of you, causing an argument with your partner to escalate out of control, and now you have found yourself under arrest and charged with domestic violence.

Perhaps this is your first offense, or maybe it’s happened before. Perhaps you’re aware of your anger issues and have been trying to control them. Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions about handling anger that, instead of helping, can exacerbate the problem. Let’s talk briefly about what doesn’t work in managing anger and what you can do instead going forward.

Common Mistakes and Myths in Managing Anger

August 16, 2024

When Your Abusive Partner Claims ‘Mutual Combat’

by Michael Kraut

In California, domestic violence cases are fraught with emotional, legal, and personal complexities. One particularly insidious tactic that abusers often use to manipulate the situation is the claim of “mutual combat.” This deflection strategy involves the abuser accusing you, the victim, of being equally violent—or worse, of initiating the conflict. Such accusations can lead to dual arrests, dual protective orders, and the possibility of you being charged with a domestic violence crime alongside the perpetrator, even when you are actually the victim.

Understanding the Concept of ‘Mutual Combat’

Mutual combat refers to a situation where both parties are deemed to have willingly engaged in physical violence against each other. In the context of domestic violence, this can be a misleading and harmful label. Abusers often leverage this claim to muddy the waters, making it appear as though the victim is just as guilty. This tactic can be particularly effective because it creates confusion and doubt in the minds of law enforcement, prosecutors, and even judges.

July 18, 2024

Exploring the Root Causes of Domestic Violence

by Michael Kraut

While domestic violence is an epidemic in our society, it’s rarely as simple as someone simply losing their temper. There are almost always underlying causes for violence, and those causes may not be immediately apparent. That’s why, if you’ve recently been arrested or charged with domestic violence, you’re very possibly feeling a strong combination of guilt and confusion. You may be saying to yourself, “How did this happen? How did I get here? Why did I do that?” If you are, know that this is a very common response—and it can feel this way whether it’s your first DV arrest or if you have prior convictions.

Unless your partner falsely accused you, chances are you know something went terribly wrong to put you in this situation but putting your finger on why can be very elusive. So, let’s take a moment to delve into some of the root causes of domestic violence to gain perspective. As we do this, let’s emphasize that this exploration isn’t about justifying your actions but gaining insight into the dynamics of control, the factors contributing to feelings of losing control, and pathways to seek help and initiate positive change.

Understanding the Dynamics of Control

June 12, 2024

Celebrating Father’s Day Amid a Pending Domestic Violence Case

by Michael Kraut

Father’s Day is traditionally a time for celebration, a day dedicated to honoring the bond between fathers and their children. However, if you are facing domestic violence charges involving your spouse or partner, the holiday can bring a unique set of challenges. You might be prevented from spending quality time with your children in the way that you’d like–or even at all. Even absent these constraints, balancing legal restrictions, emotional turmoil, and family dynamics requires additional considerations that would not usually exist. If your pending domestic violence case is clouding this holiday, what alternatives do you have for celebrating the day?

Understanding the Challenges

When there is a domestic violence case pending, several legal and emotional hurdles can complicate Father’s Day celebrations. These include:

May 15, 2024

How to Conduct Yourself in Court in Front of Your Domestic Violence Accuser

by Michael Kraut

Facing charges of domestic violence in California is a profoundly serious matter that can impact every facet of your life—from your personal relationships to your standing in the community and future employment opportunities. The legal process that follows such accusations is fraught with emotional and legal complexities, not the least of which is facing your accuser inside a courtroom.

Since most domestic violence cases involve intimate partners, there’s a strong likelihood that your accuser is someone you love or once loved. The rules of engagement with this individual are vastly different inside the courtroom than they were in your home. Understanding how to navigate these challenges with dignity, respect, and a clear head is crucial to ensuring you receive the best resolution possible for your case.

Understanding the Legal Implications of Domestic Violence Accusations

April 11, 2024

How the Trial Against O.J. Simpson Changed California’s Approach to Domestic Violence

by Michael Kraut

There was a time in California when protections for domestic violence victims were admittedly lacking. Law enforcement appeared generally reluctant to get involved in domestic squabbles, often viewing it as a “private matter” between husband and wife–and when they did get involved, they frequently let the alleged perpetrator off with a warning if the injuries appeared to be minor or nonexistent. Victims often faced disbelief and apathy from the criminal justice system, with abusers escaping harsh punishment or even prosecution.

All that changed with the high-profile trial of O.J. Simpson in 1995.

Despite the controversial outcome of Simpson’s acquittal, the trial put a spotlight on the issue of domestic violence, bringing it out of the shadows and into public consciousness. It sparked important conversations about victim blaming, power dynamics in relationships, and the need for stronger laws to protect domestic violence victims. California responded in kind with much stronger laws protecting the victims. Still, some would argue the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction, now unfairly implicating and penalizing the accused even before they have been found guilty. Let’s discuss this pivotal criminal trial and its overall effect on California’s approach to domestic violence today.

March 23, 2024

Facing Accusations of Domestic Violence Against Special Needs Children

by Michael Kraut

One of the most challenging and distressing situations a parent can encounter is being accused of committing an act of domestic violence against their own child. When the child in question is a special needs child with behavioral issues, the stress is compounded even more as criminal charges of child abuse may result. When you’re parenting a child with special needs, challenges can sometimes escalate into situations that are misunderstood or misinterpreted by outsiders. Even worse–sometimes a vindictive spouse or co-parent will level a false accusation against you, usually to prevail in a custody dispute. Either way, this accusation can feel like a double-edged sword, cutting deep into the heart of your family life and your relationship with your child, who requires extra care and understanding due to their unique needs.

In situations like this, especially given the social stigma involved, it can feel like you’re considered guilty until proven innocent. However, the opposite is still true. While you might be subject to protective orders put in place to ensure the protection of the child, in the end, it’s still up to the prosecution to prove your guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. Let’s delve deeper into this sensitive issue and discuss what a defense strategy might look like.

Understanding California Laws on Domestic Violence

February 23, 2024

Why People Falsely Report Domestic Violence

by Michael Kraut

While domestic violence is a serious public health issue, and while the State of California rightfully implements strong laws to protect victims, there are also many instances in which someone may be unfairly accused of domestic violence. In fact, research has shown that in as many as 25-35 percent of all domestic violence cases, accusations made are either unverifiable by facts, made by mistake or outright fabricated. Unfortunately, when this happens, California law tends to err on the side of the alleged victims, drawing immediate guardrails around the accused as a precaution and causing significant life disruptions in the process.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this reality firsthand. Maybe your partner has falsely accused you of domestic violence, and you’ve found yourself removed from your home, hit with a protective order barring you from contact with your partner (and possibly your children), and perhaps even facing criminal charges–let alone being saddled with the public stigma of being labeled an abuser. Why do these accusations get made–and more importantly, what can be done about it to repair the damage to your life?

False Domestic Violence Accusations: Why and How